bedtime tantrums
Do you struggle with bedtime? Is this the time of day you have the worst power struggles with your child? When you're worn down, being patient with a child who wants to cry, stay awake, or make excuses is hard. No matter your child's age, this is a universal space for parenting decision-making.
Consider these questions:
Is my child legitimately in need of comfort, or are they manipulating me?
Have I allowed my child to get away with a poor bedtime routine, and now I am pushing that to change without giving them time to adjust?
Is my routine too complicated, giving them too much personalized attention?
If we have a break in routine, what are the consequences?
Are my expectations realistic?
With preschoolers and younger elementary kids who are challenging the bedtime routine, try these routine changers:
We are going to bed in 15 minutes. It's time to brush your teeth. Do you need help?
We are going to bed in 10 minutes. It's time for a drink and a bathroom break.
We are going to bed in 1 minute. I'm going to spend 10 minutes in your room, what would you like to do with that time?
I gave you 3 warnings. It is now time to be on your bed, and our timer begins now. You have my undivided attention.
(Timer goes off)
I love you, good night.
Most parents I've met struggle with the routine going too long or their child expected to be in control. By taking control of the 30 minutes prior to the bedtime routine, you have set your child up to know what you expect. Don't wait until they must be in bed to start the power struggle. Take charge early, be clear, and stand your ground. A new routine can be developed and accepted in just a couple of days.
Try adapting this process for mealtime, morning time, bath time, and other areas in which your 3-8 year old gives you a tough time. Don't forget to say things like: "Good morning; I noticed how well you went to bed last night. Thank you. Your sleep is very important to me."
Older kids may have instances where a countdown of expectations is helpful. Don't limit this conversation to bedtime or young children. Be creative and adapt the concept wherever it works.
