labeling every drawer
My kids were scheduled every moment of the day, my house was spotless at every moment, and absolutely everything was in order; nothing was left undone. I had one of those really great label makers, and every item in our home had a place to be stored, and it was labeled. We were homeschooling, and we were in control of every moment of our lives.
It’s been 20 years, but for a time, I thought the more I could organize, the more I could dictate, the more I could control, and the better our lives would be. There is a sense of control that comes with order, and in my best decision-making moments, I believed that control of the things in my home meant I was being successful.
It was at this time I was about to deliver our youngest son, and we had bought into every self-help book, every decorating magazine, and every parenting book I could get my hands on. I had followed all the best advice, and my control center was becoming well established. I had conquered naptime, potty training, picky eating habits, playroom chaos, and mastered the bedtime routine. Each day was a new set of challenges, and each day brought more opportunities to show the world I had it figured out.
You know those days when you feel like you’re doing everything right, but somehow…deep down, you know better? The more experts I listened to, the more I felt unsettled. I was young and inexperienced, but that didn’t even explain why I couldn’t really put my finger on the problem, but I knew it was there. I looked around and saw progress, but we were sad, we were empty, and we never could reach that place of contentment we had hoped for. Simply stated - we were miserable!
We were going to church, but we really weren’t living out our faith. We were trying to do everything right and not leaving room for God to work in our hearts. We were modeling self-sufficiency to our kids and were had become so self-sufficient, so in control, so large and in charge that we forgot to leave room for God. But that’s not how God has asked us to live. If you read the Bible, you don’t find any place where it says “have it all together” or “fix all of your own problems.” There’s no verse about being an ideal parent and no chapter about how God will bless those whose family is picture-perfect. Instead, scripture asks us to give our burdens to God and to allow Him to manage our anxiety (I Peter 5:7).
My husband and I attended a church service where we were challenged with that verse. At the end, we stood up, looked at each other, and knew what we had to do. Few times have I ever felt so directed by God. Our control was shutting God out, and we needed to make some changes. For us, they were huge. Our lifestyle changed immediately, and we both point back to that experience and know that God has a plan for our lives, and it is way bigger than anything we can control.
